Crazy

 

This goes out to Jose. I never really knew you, but

I hope you’re in a better place now.

Rest in peace pops.

 

It’s crazy

I can stare at a blank wall for hours

And still paint every curve on your face

I never thought silence would befall my lips like this

How do you continue when the one you loved is gone

Everyone keeps saying it will pass

And compliments me on my strength as if comfort

But crying everyday for 3 months don’t feel too strong

Often … I wonder why they give me advice on something

They’ve never experienced

I’ve been filling pages of what to say to him

But honestly

I ain’t written anything good since he left

It’s hard to make honey out of lemons

Though I roll and squeeze and pray for my sweetness

All that runs in my hands are bitter memories of what once was

I took so long to mold you into something you’ll never be

Leaving myself without growth

I began to be frail

Turned sickly

I begged for inner peace

And the strength to hold myself together

For the sake of being together

The bags under my eyes sag low on my face

They surpass where my laugh lines go

And where my glow from the Almighty is supposed to be

They cover up my true self

I lost count how many times I cried over you

Wishing it would’ve ended on a sweeter note

Our note caressing in milk and honey

Our note endowed in love without fail

Our pain was still pain as pain would be

But we didn’t care because our love triumphed over pain

And me?

I find myself looking blankly at a wall for hours on end

Wishing this pain would cease to end.